Two memories

Today, the 28th of February,  is a day that I dedicated to have a yearly look at my life and see if I have made my life "worth it." Sometimes I feel a little proud of my accomplishments, but then at other times, the lack of some things hurt. But today I will focus on the positive!

In other thoughts, I have two memories today.

One is a fun memory of when I was 15. My friend Jenny and I would go to her house after school. Her parents were gone, and we were the only ones in the house. Jenny's dad had a cool Bronco/Blazer that he had set up a nice stereo system. So she would grab the keys, and out we'd go to just sit in the bronco and listen to music.  On this day, Jenny started it, and in some land next to their house, we drove around and around in circles with the bass of the music pounding. Then we made up some dance moves to do in the car - which I continue to do :).  I think that is the day, my love of loud music came alive.

The other memory is of the first time my friend Sarah went toilet papering. I had learned to drive and got my license, so I slept over at her house one weekend and I taught her the technique of T.P-ing. :) Honestly, I remember that night vividly because Sarah was so carefree and happy. We then went back to her house and she showed me a journal that she kept - which was actually a drinking mug she would write all her "big" accomplishments on - and it would later be fired and glazed.... It was such a creative idea, and I love the toilet papering was a big accomplishment. I wonder if her family still has that mug.

Jenny.

Time is a strange thing.

13 years ago today,I was a sophomore in highschool. 4 of my highschool buddies and I decided to sluff our first class of the day.  One of those buddies was my best friend Jenny. She has just broke up with some guy the night before and came to school crying that morning. So we decided to sluff. We were just planning to sluff at the school library because neither of us had cars since I had just turned 16 and Jenny was still 15. Then we decided to leave and hunted down someone who did have a car which is how we got 3 other people to come.

Its funny how a day from 14 years ago in my life still can seem like yesterday and I can remember every event that happened.

When I was in Jr. High, I was a very shy, awkward girl that had very nerdy tendencies and only opened up to a few people. I've never been someone that is surrounded by lots of girlfriends. I've always just had one or two good close friends. Jenny was the opposite of me. She was social, athletic, outgoing and so friendly. She kind of took me under her wing and I was able to open up to her and be my weird self. :) We were best friends. Inseparable for the next few years. We would talk on the phone every night for hours - about what? Stupid stuff!!

We used to talk about what if one of us died and what we would do. We'd end up crying on the phone saying that we'd miss each other. Little did we know that those talks were our goodbye.

The morning we decided to sluff, the 5 of us crammed ourselves into a 1990 Geo Prizm, went and gorged ourselves with scones and chatted. When it was time to leave, we all crammed ourselves into the car again - Jenny made me switch places with her in the car for some reason. My friend who was driving,  started the car, we were all laughing and teasing each other, when we pulled out in front of a Semi which broadsided us going 45 mph. My best friend Jenny and really good other friend Sarah died. The two others were lifelighted to hospitals and in comas. I simply walked away with a broken collarbone. And a broken heart.

Although its been so long, and my heart has healed, I still think of my Jenny everyday. She has always played a prominent role in my life. I always have tried to make my life worth it. Because she switched me seats. If she hadn't, she would be alive and I would be dead. So I better make my life worth it. Right? :)

I have a lot of dreams with her. Where we are just sitting and talking. I tell her about my life and she tells me about why she had to go. Isn't it weird kinda that I still have dreams like this?

She is more present in my life when I am facing certain challenges. Whether it is really her or not - she still brings me peace. The thought of her and who she was, who she is and what she teaches me reminds me that even on my most crappy day, I'm never really alone.

One of the last things Jenny said before she died was "I seriously wish that song Secret Garden comes on the radio..."

"Secret Garden"

-Bruce Springstein

She'll let you in her house

If you come knockin' late at night

She'll let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

She'll let you deep inside

But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car

To go drivin' 'round

She'll let you into the parts of herself

That'll bring you down

She'll let you in her heart

If you got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles

How far'd you get

To that place where you can't remember

And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path

There'll be tenderness in the air

She'll let you come just far enough

So you know she's really there

Then she'll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stay

A million miles away

Sarah was also a very loving, carefree, happy friend who taught me a lot.

Ode to Laura

A history lesson.

Laura is my friend. She moved into my ward in Merrie Miss A (a sunday school class). We can just say we didn't hit it off just right then. hehehe. But as we grew older, we became friends - just church friends and such. When highschool came around, Laura and I started to hang out a little more and more.

One day in highschool, I went with my best friend and 3 other really good friends and sluffed class. On the way back, we were broadsided by a Semi-trailer. It killed my 2 best friends and put the other 2 in coma's. I walked away with a broken collar bone. Somehow I didn't get knocked out and so I saw the whole thing happen. I don't want to get into details about that, but lets just say I was slightly traumatized.

Laura became my angel. I don't know why, but somehow she swooped in and automatically knew how to help me. I was a pretty shy girl up to this point. So the friends that died, were actually some of my ONLY friends. When I got back to school, I remember feeling like an alien. Everyone stared, no one knew what to say, etc. Laura became protective of me. I think about this stuff now and tears come to my eyes. Heaven sent.

The way a teenage girl, who is already going through the turmoils of adolescence, deals with such an event as the deaths of her best friends is interesting. Laura was right along there with me. She let me be weird, obsessive, sad and happy without ever getting in the way and telling me how I should feel. Without her - I know I would have been so lost.

I do want to point out that my family was AWESOME during that time. I love them.

Another event when Laura has been my angel, was when I was dating a jerk. I started dating a guy in highschool and continued on and off for quite some time. I became a different person. I gave in to his manipulating ways. Laura saw things that I never allowed myself too. She even got in a fight with him once. :) Laura was there EVERY time to pick up the pieces. I don't want to go into too much detail about this relationship - because I don't want to waste any more time on it.

Now, she and I are still best friends. Its been over a decade that she has been my angel. We have completely different lives: she is married, stay at home mom with 2 cute kids and lives in St. George while I am single, fear marriage, have a career and live in Northern Utah. Yet she is still the one that I confide everything to. What a blessing! :)

Laura has had some trials too. After they were married, they had a child - Laura was on bed rest for 3 months of the pregnancy. Then afterwards she had failed pregnancy after failed pregnancy. They even had a baby and lost it at birth - little Anna Bella. Laura and her hub decided to adopt, and they adopted the cutest little girl named Ava. They are now trying to add to their family and have put papers in for another adoption. Honestly all Laura wants to be is a mom. She lives for her babies. And she is so cute. She and her hub have the best relationship and they along with some others make me think that maybe marriage isn't so bad.... :)

I just recently put her family picture with a link attached to it that would send you to their adoption profile.

I know this post is a little cheesy, but when I think of my Matilda (Laura), I get tears in my eyes and my heart is full. Love you chica!

Sarah

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Happy Birthday Amiga.

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♥ Her story ♥