Jenny.

Time is a strange thing.

13 years ago today,I was a sophomore in highschool. 4 of my highschool buddies and I decided to sluff our first class of the day.  One of those buddies was my best friend Jenny. She has just broke up with some guy the night before and came to school crying that morning. So we decided to sluff. We were just planning to sluff at the school library because neither of us had cars since I had just turned 16 and Jenny was still 15. Then we decided to leave and hunted down someone who did have a car which is how we got 3 other people to come.

Its funny how a day from 14 years ago in my life still can seem like yesterday and I can remember every event that happened.

When I was in Jr. High, I was a very shy, awkward girl that had very nerdy tendencies and only opened up to a few people. I've never been someone that is surrounded by lots of girlfriends. I've always just had one or two good close friends. Jenny was the opposite of me. She was social, athletic, outgoing and so friendly. She kind of took me under her wing and I was able to open up to her and be my weird self. :) We were best friends. Inseparable for the next few years. We would talk on the phone every night for hours - about what? Stupid stuff!!

We used to talk about what if one of us died and what we would do. We'd end up crying on the phone saying that we'd miss each other. Little did we know that those talks were our goodbye.

The morning we decided to sluff, the 5 of us crammed ourselves into a 1990 Geo Prizm, went and gorged ourselves with scones and chatted. When it was time to leave, we all crammed ourselves into the car again - Jenny made me switch places with her in the car for some reason. My friend who was driving,  started the car, we were all laughing and teasing each other, when we pulled out in front of a Semi which broadsided us going 45 mph. My best friend Jenny and really good other friend Sarah died. The two others were lifelighted to hospitals and in comas. I simply walked away with a broken collarbone. And a broken heart.

Although its been so long, and my heart has healed, I still think of my Jenny everyday. She has always played a prominent role in my life. I always have tried to make my life worth it. Because she switched me seats. If she hadn't, she would be alive and I would be dead. So I better make my life worth it. Right? :)

I have a lot of dreams with her. Where we are just sitting and talking. I tell her about my life and she tells me about why she had to go. Isn't it weird kinda that I still have dreams like this?

She is more present in my life when I am facing certain challenges. Whether it is really her or not - she still brings me peace. The thought of her and who she was, who she is and what she teaches me reminds me that even on my most crappy day, I'm never really alone.

One of the last things Jenny said before she died was "I seriously wish that song Secret Garden comes on the radio..."

"Secret Garden"

-Bruce Springstein

She'll let you in her house

If you come knockin' late at night

She'll let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

She'll let you deep inside

But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car

To go drivin' 'round

She'll let you into the parts of herself

That'll bring you down

She'll let you in her heart

If you got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles

How far'd you get

To that place where you can't remember

And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path

There'll be tenderness in the air

She'll let you come just far enough

So you know she's really there

Then she'll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stay

A million miles away

Sarah was also a very loving, carefree, happy friend who taught me a lot.