"A woman without a man is still of infinite worth."
- Kristen Oaks
I am 30. Never been married. Whatsitoya??
I looked up info about what a spinster is and where the word came from and it appears that back in the beginning when the term was used, it referred to women who spun wool. Aside from the world's "oldest" profession, it was one of the few ways a woman could work and earn a wage independently of a man. Cool, I work and bring in my own dough too!
As time passed though, it became a term used for women who didn't marry - even women who weren't married at the age of 15 were considered spinsters.... so hopefully everyone reading this blog was a spinster at some point in their life....
Why is it now, in these days, that when a woman passes the age of 26,27...30 and so on, and remains unmarried, it is seen as unfortunate in some people's eyes? I do not think this it is an unfortunate thing. I really don't.
Many people will blame it on the mormon culture - but I have non-mormon friends and acquaintences that have expressed the same sentiments of 'what must be wrong' with me and other girls in my situation to still be single. So stop blaming purely mormons...
I have recieved sympathies, advice, questions and etc on my being single. My grandma even suggested to my mom that me and my sisters (there are 2 other spinsty's in the fam) should attend CHARM SCHOOL. HAHA!!
My favorite question that I have been asked again and again and again is: "Why are you still single??" How am I supposed to respond? What kind of answer are they looking for? I could reply to them:
"I must be ugly"
"Maybe I'm a lesbo and don't know it!!" (I am NOT!)
"I'm just really weird"
or maybe
"I just must not be desirable to the male species"
Maybe I could just respond to them with some questions of my own. Such as:
" Hey, are you planning on having
MORE children?"
"Does your husband STILL find you attractive after all these years?!?"
"So, how much money do you make?"
"Do you think you’ll go on a diet soon?"
"Are you planning on doing anything about your receding hairline?"
Or as Bridget Jones was asked how her love life was and she replied, "Tell me, is it one in four marriages that ends in divorce now, or one in three?”
Those may sound rude, but you get the point.
Of course I would love to find the man of my dreams and settle down and have a family, but I don't feel like to do so, I should marry just anybody. Pretty sure that God wouldn't want me to live a life that I settled for and was unhappy. Our whole purpose is "Men are that they might have joy" or something like that....
I have been close to marriage a couple of times. But I know those marriages would have been unhappy. Some people have told me I must be really picky - should I settle instead? I have honestly looked back at all my relationships and the ones that were serious - there was always something obstructing marriage.
I remember looking at engagement rings with one boyfriend and feeling sick to my stomach. I went home feeling creepy,annoyed and irritated that he was in my space etc....I am glad I did not marry this dude with those feelings I had. I have never heard of a love story that started with "When I had that creepy sickness in my stomach - I just
knew we were meant to be!!"
Just because I am not married and tied to a man, does not make me less important, less intelligent, weird or unwanted. I have traveled to different parts of the world. I've translated for doctors in Ecuador in free health clinics to the locals - some who had never been to a doctor before. I went on a church mission to people in Uruguay - helping people literally living in poverty overcome failures and sadness. I have obtained two Bachelor Degrees from college. I have a career. I bought a house by myself. I have been a contributing member to my community by volunteering in things such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Domestic Violence Shelters and church affairs. I think I'm kinda cool at least.
Now I'm not writing this to sound bitter or angry. Because I honestly am not. I am happy and going forward in my life. I am not waiting around for a man in order to begin my life. I date. Sometimes its good, sometimes its eh, and somtimes its horrid.
I guess I'm writing this in hopes to let some people know that it is OK to be single. It is not a thing of despair and sadness. Its hard when someone asks why you aren't married as if something must be wrong, and then it makes you rethink your happiness. 'Oh wait, I'm not married, so I can't move on and be happy' That is bull.
Its when you are asked questions if you are married or dating someone and when you say no, the askers response is a tilt of the head with a sad look and a squeeze on the elbow that suggests that it is sad and unfortunate, that make you stop and think - oh wait, maybe I'm not happy.....
I was reading a blog by another girl who is 28 and single and she made me laugh out loud from her experience that she wrote (somewhat dramaticized):
“How are you—are you married?” all in one breath in a loud clear voice. Everyone in the line turned their heads. “No.” The answer seemed to bounce off the walls. Young married mothers covered their children’s ears and the people around me seemed to weep inside for my horrible fate.
It is truly due to the lack of people's life experience that they can't seem to understand something that they have not experienced themselves. That shows a small mind. Not to be rude. :)
My parents are wonderful and have always fostered an independant, self-worth, and giving upbringing. They don't nag us to get married or complain to us that we are causing them distress with our singlehood. I am so greatful for that. I have friends who unfortunately are not in the same circumstance.
So I am going to continue on. SINGLE. * shiver* and enjoy my life.
Peace out yo!
